Anger

Growing up in Greece, intense and powerful emotions were praised, encouraged and promoted as healthy behaviours. Passion to the point of jealousy and control was often shown as an inevitable part of human relationships, and especially romantic ones. Anger, especially in men, was just part of traditional masculinity. In women, it was often mocked and deemed ‘hysterical’.

I think about anger a lot. Michelle Elman, author of The Joy of Being Selfish, writes that anger is a response to our boundaries being crossed. From my perspective, it’s also a response to our needs not being met. In any case, it is a perfectly normal emotion and every human being experiences it. However: from my point of view and personal experience, anger — when sustained for a long time- can become a toxic, all-consuming and joy sucking trap.

I spent so much of my life being angry. Angry at myself for not being good enough, angry at others not meeting my needs and impossible standards. I let the anger consume me. Anger distorts our thoughts and amplifies the negative. I always found that anger left me drained, exhausted. First, it spread through my body like wildfire, then consumed my very soul. There was nothing left to give, after that. Just a very deep sadness.

I could not think straight when I was angry. I thought the odds were constantly stacked against me. Every little thing set an alarm in my head. But when I calmed down, I could see the depths of the issue that triggered my anger in the first place. The fine outlines of it. The actual shape.